I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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