i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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