my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
