On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
