Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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