That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
