Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
