So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
