Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
