I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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