Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
