There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
