Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
