Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God, I missed his penis.
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