can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
