this beer tastes like vomit already
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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