Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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