dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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