Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
