Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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