Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
