so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
