i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
