Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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