Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
