I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
