You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
