Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
