awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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