i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
