Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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