True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do herpes really smell.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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