he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
