from now on my penis is your penis
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
