Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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