Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
