I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
