Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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