I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize