she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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