So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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