tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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