i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
