My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
