I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
