I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
