What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
