cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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