I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
