i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
