So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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