you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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