Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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