So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is Oprah even human
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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