I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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