I showed him my bush... on skype.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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