I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
