Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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