I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
