let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
