Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
