Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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