I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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