I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
