ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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