I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
