drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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