hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
