i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
