Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
