capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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