Just fell off a train. Bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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