i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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