THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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