I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you would pick up someone in the library
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
